


Your Number One Fan

by KingFranPetty



Series: Funky Launchpad x Jim x Drake threesome [11]
Category: Darkwing Duck (Cartoon 1991), Darkwing Duck (Cartoon 2018), DuckTales (Cartoon 2017)
Genre: Arguing, Attempted Murder, Attempted Seduction, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Crush, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Romance, Awkward Tension, Awkwardness, Bad Decisions, Bad Dirty Talk, Bad Flirting, Bad Ideas, Bad Jokes, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Constructive Criticism Welcome, Crushes, Dark, Dark Character, Death Threats, Declarations Of Love, Dialogue, Dialogue Heavy, Dick Jokes, Dirty Jokes, Dirty Talk, Dirty Thoughts, Enemies, Fantasizing, First Crush, Flirting, Implied Sexual Content, Inappropriate Humor, Insults, Jealousy, Light Angst, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Obsession, Obsessive Behavior, Out of Character, Poor Life Choices, Possessive Behavior, Relationship(s), Rival Relationship, Rivalry, Secret Crush, Seduction, Sexual Content, Sexual Humor, Stalking, Swearing, Talking, Threats, Threats of Violence, Villains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 14:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19175197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingFranPetty/pseuds/KingFranPetty
Summary: Launchpad McQuack loves Darkwing Duck, certain and former.





	Your Number One Fan

Two ducks stood in the living room, looking at the larger bird. They stood there waiting for his response. Launchpad McQuack darted his eyes between Negaduck and Darkwing Duck. He stuck in a corner between a rock and a hard place. When what he really wanted was a different kind of rock and hard place. However he really shouldn't let his brain slip into the gutter. That is how this whole mess started after all. 

"Well Launchpad McQuack, do you mind repeating that statement?" Drake Mallard questioned, surprisingly being more bad cop than one would suppose when Negaduck was the comparison. Speaking of Negaduck, said duck spoke up, "Lay off, rip off artist. Clearly he meant that he enjoys the company of the original, one, and only, not cheap, FUCKING, knock offs." DW narrowed his glare at his recolor. He put his hands to his sides and turned halfway. The Mallard huffed out, "Butt out of this, nestwrecker. This is a conversation between me and My Sidekick."

Negaduck rolled his eyes, keeping his arms crossed. He puffed slightly, "Oh? Your Sidekick, huh? Funny thing Dorkwing Duck, he is My Biggest Fan." Drake sucked in a heavy breath. He took a halfway step towards the villain. The Duck hissed with bitterness, sour, and salt, "So was I." Launchpad McQuack stood up between the two smaller birds. In a somewhat successful means to keep them from ripping each other a few new holes, he held both his arms out. They both stepped backwards upon this gesture. 

McQuack felt so very conflicted and torn. "Please don't kill each other. I'm sure there's some way this can all work out." He firmly put his feet down on the shifting sands of neutral grounds. Said means of how "this could all work out" was popping up in his head, repeatedly. Despite his own efforts to not think about such subjects. Mallard crossed his arms at this. "Oh really Launchpad? Care to tell the classroom what exactly your plans to make "this work out" are exactly?" The hero mildly fumed. 

Launchpad McQuack froze in place, darting his eyes between them once again. He bumbled about, "Ummm! err?.. uhhhhhh.. hmm. Well.... Well see. I.. I..." The supervillain tapped his foot slowly, clearly waiting for an answer. The superhero tapped his own foot much faster, also awaiting an answer under a different context. The sidekick moved his arms around and still fumbled on, "You see, we are all adults. Including me. So as adults, we can work things out like adults. You know?" 

Both parties got closer to McQuack, seemingly unpleased with his answer. Launchpad put both hands behind his back and walked silently backwards a step or two. The two smaller birds followed his walk. The larger bird put his hands up, displaying them to show he wasn't doing anything or pulling a trick. "I don't think that's what you meant, LP." Darkwing tested the water. It wasn't Liquidator branded bottled water if that counts for anything. 

The water was, however, a little cooler than expected. The pilot rocked back and forth on his heels, not looking at either of them. This didn't stop Darkwing Duck nor Negaduck. I'd guess that water fowl can deal with that better than non water based birds. "Tell your hero the plans, fanboy." The yellow and orange dressed duck hinted. The purple dressed duck clued, "Spit it out, sidekick." They both looked him in the eyes and stood up to their full height. Because, again, they are both much shorter than him. The pressure raised, meanwhile the bird of the hour hoped other things wouldn't raise. 

Launchpad crossed his arms on his chest. "I don't have to tell you anything." He attempted some means of keeping ground. It was quickly shoot down. I won't say what like, merely for the sake of Drake and not Jim. "You kissed Negaduck!" DW pointed out. McQuack keep steady for the time being. LP pointed out, "You kissed Negaduck!" Not Jim Starling put his two red cent in the hat toss. "You have been kissing my only true fan!" Not JS pointed out. Negaduck pointed out, "I didn't want to kiss the hack, for the record!!" 

You all know that if Negaduck didn't happen, this fan work would be about Jim Starling being a the man of the hour between these two nerds, right? Seeing as everyone is playing the blame game, the first person to blame should be the literal supervillain. Speaking of the the former superstar, he was talking more, "I would have been perfectly fine with dying instead." His input to the chat was mostly ignored at the time being. 

It was Launchpad McQuack's input that everyone else was all ears for. When he so wished for a different kind of input on his and their part. He wished for it so much, to some level one could argue that he had since he first saw Darkwing Duck on the TV screen. To counter this argument, I'll add to the fire by pointing out that such logic means Drake Mallard had wanted similar such things on some level upon seeing Darkwing on the TV. 

Back to the man of the hour, Launchpad McQuack wanted neither of them upset with him and didn't want to pick one between them. "Listen, I love you both. Why can't you two just?..." He stopped himself too late. This left LP back at where we started our story. Which is to say, him unwilling to repeat himself. "I'd like if you finished the sentence, Launchpad McQuack." Drake Mallard noted. Not Jim Starling commented, "Perhaps you would like to see if I can fill in the blank, Launchpad." 

Not Jim was almost half right on that, Launchpad did want him to fill in a blank if you get my implied meaning. Launchpad very well knew which blank he would like filled out in full length but he pushed those thoughts back. McQuack had, by some means, clammed up his bill. So without comment from the pilot, the two ducks turned their attention to another. "Launchpad and I have been living together long enough. I know him and he knows me. LP. Loves. Me. More." DW bragged. The former DW pffted at that. Negaduck bragged, "He was my fan first, he was my sidekick first, I have been keeping taps on Launchpad McQuack for longer than you have been living together. I know him better. Launchpad loves ME MORE."

Drake Mallard took a full step to not Jim Starling. "I don't remember you being so much of a jackass back when you were my hero." Drake told him point blank. Not Jim took a step towards Mallard. Not Starling commented, "Don't you FUCKING dare, I swear that I will ring your neck dry if you pretend that you were Ever REALLY my fan." Darkwing stuck his finger into a chest. He clearly stated, "No. Don't you FUCKING DARE. I am doing this because of you. Because you were my everything and you Fucking betrayed Me. I loved you, DARKWING!" Oops. Drake pulled himself out of his... A lot of things. And stepped backwards. Negaduck took an equal step back. 

"It's that stupid, fucking, kiss all over again! Stop. Lying! I know what you are doing, Dickwing Duck. You betrayed me! You set me up, hack job." Stated Negaduck as blunt as hammer to the head. On topic of things that keep being beat into one's head, Launchpad McQuack wasn't able to think of anything he could say to defuse the situation due to his other head doing the thinking at the moment. Maybe it something about Darkwing Duck telling his evil double that he loved him, but his inner situation was heating up alone side the outside situation. Of course, under a different context of the word "heat." Perhaps not that so different a context considering DW had just pulled himself out of... A lot of things. And those things were still sort of floating around him head. 

Negaduck pointed his finger in a chest. "You can't weasel your way out of this, Copycat, your goose is cooked." Negaduck grumbled loud enough to be understood. Of course, this didn't help anyone at all. For one, the number of things floating around his rival's head was getting larger and he didn't know how much longer he could pushing them all away. For another, his stalking victim was 100% rooting for his rival to make out with him by now. Neither not Jim Starling anymore wanted. Still no Jim here kept going. His shark toothed bill beared it's many sharp teeth in a frown. He grabbed his good counterpart by the collar of his shirt, dragging him closer. "I know you set me up to fail so you could steal my fan. When I finally get Launchpad to see how much of a glory hog, cheating, cheap site you are, I will finally be rid of your dumbass."

It was a bad idea to pull a duck that never wears pants in that close, especially if one isn't wearing anything below the waist as well. This was made even worse when taking in the factor that their faces were pressed together. Yet in spite of these facts, Darkwing had kept his head out of... A lot of things. A ever growing amount of things. Mostly by reminding himself that the most likely thing to pop up from his former hero for him was a chainsaw. While I can think of plenty of ways that could work with his own thoughts, the meaning was more about Negaduck using that chainsaw cut Darkwing Duck into bite sized pieces. 

"Negaduck, let me go. For your own sake." Drake sighed, "Just let go of my shirt." This, notably so, was probably one of the worst ways he could have said that. Followed quickly by, "Don't do that, I'll get a boner." Just a run up to, "When I look into your eyes this closely, I can almost fool myself into believing that the man I fell in love with is still there somehow. Which turns me on a little." Of which were both mainly truthful statements to my knowledge. So anyway, no Jim Starling here wasn't going to be threatened by his copy. He shook the younger duck like said duck owned him money. "You little SHIT!" He hissed. 

Launchpad McQuack finally rentered the action, pulling the two birds away from each other. Mainly because he was half sure that Negaduck was a second away from chocking DW. On the note of Darkwing Duck, he was trying to stand up but it was hard due to the room spinning. Darkwing did manage it, somewhat poorly. Launchpad held Drake by the shoulder so he wouldn't fall over, now looking at Negaduck. "When I said I love you both, I meant both of you." McQuack started. "Nobody needs to die for each of you to have my heart. I am fully capable of loving two people." Negaduck dipped his hat to cover his face. He tried to sound stronger, "I don't want share with this moronic double. I should be enough, I am the original, one, and only."

Launchpad breathed out, "Then I don't know what to tell you." Drake Mallard took a step forward out of McQuack's hold without slipping over. "I do. Leave. Run off into night and leave us all behind without saying goodbye. Leave us all wishing you tied up the loose ends. Just like you do every time." Drake suggested notably colder. Not Jim backed into the darkness. Where he disappeared. Leaving everyone else somehow wanting him back despite everything he fucked up. Just like Mallard told him to. 

The End.


End file.
